The Last Chapter
9 years ago
Sunday, November 27, 2016
It was a weekend when I generally get into touch with so many of my friends on calls or in person, share a good conversation while sipping my favorite cup of coffee. Speaking to them I could sometimes feel that a majority of them used to be under trauma due to the troubled relationships they would share – be it with their boyfriends/fiancés/husbands. Initially I used to feel that it is a saddest thing in a relationship when a man cannot see a woman’s worth. With time my thinking has changed. I now feel that a man who fails to realize or acknowledge his woman’s worth is pitiful.
Let us go back to our past ladies, when as girls we used to be school kids. As young girls, we generally were the sensitive ones. I used to see myself being happy on little moments, at the same time being affected by frivolous matters. As kids, we always were happy to be our teacher’s pet, our faces lit on getting a ‘Good’ or a ‘Star’ remark on our report cards. As we grew older our spirits used to rise on - getting good grades / setting an example for any small matter for an entire class / being nominated to become a class monitor / winning the debate or creative writing competitions / being put as the best dancers in the front row and what not?!
Then came the high school when the adolescent brains started responding in a different manner. As teens we girls start experiencing the ‘pretty pressure’ with an over-focus about our appearances. We would experience infatuations or so-called crushes. We would not prefer being just addressed as a brilliant/decent student, but also being called ‘beautiful/pretty/charming’ girl. There would be times when there were chances of the negative thoughts surrounding ourselves and making us feel low, feeling of small failures holding us back and hampering our confidence, times when we would succumb to the ‘need to please’ factors , considering ourselves as mediocre, resisting in learning new things and focusing on our weaknesses rather than our actual strengths.
After passing through all these struggles and phases of life, I get disappointed to see and say that many women regardless of any age still seem to have not come out of the same!
They settle for men who would treat them with dis-respect, for men who would be directionless, for men out of the peer-pressure of marriage and age, for men on rebound due to a failed past relationship, for men for their emotional needs and security, for men for what would the society think if they would live alone or independent, for men for all the wrong reasons and not love!
How will you attain/demand a man’s/anyone’s respect?? You can’t threaten or yell at them to give you one. That won’t get you any far. As a woman one should have that within herself at first not to put up with any kind of disrespect. Absence of self-esteem will most likely refrain others from giving you the ultimate respect that you deserve!
When you would feel negative/inferior about yourself, devoid of self-love, how would you even think of positive forces and the good things getting attracted to you?
When you would be paralyzed by your fears, how would you gain that courage to tread on your own path and pursue things that truly make you a happy person?
When you would be busy pleasing others, acting as per their requirements, meeting un-realistic expectations and doing things out of pressure or half-heatedly, how would you even experience that feeling of contentment during the end of the day?
When you won’t stop looking at yourself through a broken reflection – how would you ever realize that you are not unattractive / worthless / unlovable as you think?
It’s high time for all the ladies to look through a clear reflection and recognize your true beauty! There’s always so much beautiful about a woman’s presence and grace when she values herself.
When you will begin to carry yourself like the valuable being you are – that’s when you will begin to silently attain anybody’s respect!
When you would drop your worries, worrying about every single thing that happens in life and not seeing that there is always a reason behind it – that’s when that burden on your body, mind and soul would be vanished!
When you would realize that life is not a race / contest and you are not put here to accomplish things on time – be it getting a job / going overseas / getting married / having a baby – that’s when you would develop the faith that you are exactly where you need to be and appreciate the moment!
When you would surround yourself with positivity and courage – that’s when you would filter out the people who ridicule or judge, be it your own boyfriend/fiancé/husband and develop that belief in your path on what you want in life!
Always remember, everybody is beautiful and unique in their own way. You are all the possible adjectives – Amazing, Creative, Inspiring, Pretty, Playful, Bold, Brave, Joyous that one might ever think about! Accept and love yourself and feel proud about who you really are! Be kind and be patient to yourself, the smoke will clear with time and life will be a whole lot brighter!
Love,
Bhakti
Saturday, April 20, 2013
A small incident I’d like to share,
It was this time when I was traveling on foot for my some work in a bylane of a bylane in one of the very old area of the ahmedabad city. It was some Christmas time ‘2011, and the innumerable narrow lanes in the area resembled the ‘veins’ in a human body. These houses looked rickety but tempting. They were painted in a specific ancient pattern. The road I was traveling through was a so-called Hindu area. My eyes caught the sight of a highly decorated crib where baby jesus was just born. There were these huge speakers next to the crib, with loud music to which a 10 yr old was dancing. And the song on which he was dancing was this composition by Pakistani sufi rock band, ‘Sayoneeee, chain ek pal nahiiii’!!
My country cutessttt! :)
I have been
fascinated by ants since childhood. I don’t know if we had more
worthwhile things to do back in those days when we were a 3-4 yrs old,
but we spent quality time following the trail of ants in houses/ walls/
terraces, dint we?. How beautifully they kissed and greeted each other
while they moved in opposite directions along a line. Not an ant was
missed in this greeting process.
After many years of ignoring these tiny living beings, yesterday to my surprise i saw a black ant scurrying over my arms, as if in some major hurry to achieve something!
Abruptly, my mind concocted a metaphor.
How different are we humans from those tiny creatures? Their entire life is about working, eating sleeping, reproducing. But that’s exactly what we as humans do too. Isn’t it?! As for ‘Working’, of whatever I know, a large part involves collection and storage of food. Here I am talking about the ants, not some trip to the grocery store.
But we, of course are smarter and ‘evolved’ as they say, aren’t we? We work too, but for MONEY?!! We obviously fail to see that even this is to buy food, clothing and a place to see- if we consider basic requirements. So basically, we just take a longer route, while we slog at work, get paid at the end of the month and then go buy food with it. The ants just go out and get food directly (quite often from our kitchen compartments too)!
What else can money buy?
Clothes? Ants don’t need them.
Travel? They don’t need tickets and passports.
Discotheques? They can dance whenever they want, they don’t need pretentious time and place for it.
Just list anything else that comes to your mind and see what the ants do instead
Just one innocent tiny God’s creature can so wondrously put the whole pride of being ‘more evolved’ as species to pretense.
I say, Wake Up!
See that just mere physical structure difference or money doesn’t set us apart!
We still are a worker ant, slogging away to eternity. One needs to Excel in life by growing as a person, by growing as a good human and not just by mere promotions!
This ability to be able to meditate is only given us, isn’t it! One wouldn’t see an ant sitting cross legged with palms on thighs breathing deeply. The entire life of humans has been about: waking up- go to school/college/ work- come back home- eat- watch tv/talk/etc.- sleep. On weekends- go for movies/ hangout with friends. And then of course, the occasional vacations. 25/30 years of your life have passed by and it only feels like yesterday right? Well, another 30 will pass in the same way. And all people will remember you as some CEO of some company. If that’s just the case in reality, Sad it is! Let’s hope that doesn't happen.
Let’s live, lets experience something that we have never ever before in life.
Let’s get some exposure of the different flavors that life has to offer. I can promise one thing with the experience that I have. The satisfaction that one would get when one child hugs you will be unmatched to the ‘happiness’ you’ll get with your promotions. Go to an orphanage; adopt a child’s education- for as long as one can. Go to an old age home, take up some medical bills. Enroll for those teaching programs. OR SIMPLY ANYTHING SIMPLE!
The time to explore these little things is NOW. One will always have a choice. There is a choice to transcend into infinity and evolve yourself beyond a state of being human or, just scurry along crazily, for just tiny pieces of sugar!
After many years of ignoring these tiny living beings, yesterday to my surprise i saw a black ant scurrying over my arms, as if in some major hurry to achieve something!
Abruptly, my mind concocted a metaphor.
How different are we humans from those tiny creatures? Their entire life is about working, eating sleeping, reproducing. But that’s exactly what we as humans do too. Isn’t it?! As for ‘Working’, of whatever I know, a large part involves collection and storage of food. Here I am talking about the ants, not some trip to the grocery store.
But we, of course are smarter and ‘evolved’ as they say, aren’t we? We work too, but for MONEY?!! We obviously fail to see that even this is to buy food, clothing and a place to see- if we consider basic requirements. So basically, we just take a longer route, while we slog at work, get paid at the end of the month and then go buy food with it. The ants just go out and get food directly (quite often from our kitchen compartments too)!
What else can money buy?
Clothes? Ants don’t need them.
Travel? They don’t need tickets and passports.
Discotheques? They can dance whenever they want, they don’t need pretentious time and place for it.
Just list anything else that comes to your mind and see what the ants do instead
Just one innocent tiny God’s creature can so wondrously put the whole pride of being ‘more evolved’ as species to pretense.
I say, Wake Up!
See that just mere physical structure difference or money doesn’t set us apart!
We still are a worker ant, slogging away to eternity. One needs to Excel in life by growing as a person, by growing as a good human and not just by mere promotions!
This ability to be able to meditate is only given us, isn’t it! One wouldn’t see an ant sitting cross legged with palms on thighs breathing deeply. The entire life of humans has been about: waking up- go to school/college/ work- come back home- eat- watch tv/talk/etc.- sleep. On weekends- go for movies/ hangout with friends. And then of course, the occasional vacations. 25/30 years of your life have passed by and it only feels like yesterday right? Well, another 30 will pass in the same way. And all people will remember you as some CEO of some company. If that’s just the case in reality, Sad it is! Let’s hope that doesn't happen.
Let’s live, lets experience something that we have never ever before in life.
Let’s get some exposure of the different flavors that life has to offer. I can promise one thing with the experience that I have. The satisfaction that one would get when one child hugs you will be unmatched to the ‘happiness’ you’ll get with your promotions. Go to an orphanage; adopt a child’s education- for as long as one can. Go to an old age home, take up some medical bills. Enroll for those teaching programs. OR SIMPLY ANYTHING SIMPLE!
The time to explore these little things is NOW. One will always have a choice. There is a choice to transcend into infinity and evolve yourself beyond a state of being human or, just scurry along crazily, for just tiny pieces of sugar!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
" To laugh often and much,
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch
Or a redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. . .
This is to have SUCCEEDED! "
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
She was tired and was
lying on her bed. She was continuously tossing and turning going through
her usual uneasy sleep. She wasn’t definitely asleep actually.
Since the time he had left her, this is what sleep had become to her. She was constantly hanging somewhere in between is some painful state of trance. But she never complained. It was just 6 months since the time he left her. She had this dream awaiting of becoming his lady soon. A certain girl she was who was a little shy with others and the only person she would feel comfortable with wasn’t there unfortunately.
He had left her and nothing stopped him from leaving then. Not even her pair of innocent, affectionate, scared – about to water, eyes. He had to leave since he had received a call for help from his first love of his life after all.
He was this handsome man with a very well built strong body. His image of this rough man in a uniform was glued to her eyes and mind ever since. The last few moments she had spent with him was one evening – when he’d come to meet her for one last time at the place they always met; looked at her in the most beautiful manner, came forth and kissed her forehead, looked into her eyes assuring he’ll be back holding her face. This played repeatedly in her mind. She’d left for home and gone to sleep then; assuring herself it’ll all turn out to be a silly dream the next day.
*
Somehow every night the same film played in her mind and every single time it was so real. She could actually feel his rough palms as they caressed her cheeks, his rock solid warm arms, and his body smell when he had hugged her one last time. That firm kiss he had given her, still kept that part of her forehead warm. She felt then how he had torn himself away from her and headed out, leaving her behind with only left over, and lingering warmth. And that warmth returned every night. Every night they came together and became a single picture of him holding her face; that he then tore away taking a little paper from her side of the picture with him.
*
That night he came again with all his warmth swirling around him. When he tore away this time, she woke up all scared, sweating and shivering. She could feel pounding of a beat in every limb of her body. She wanted him to hold her. Big tears rolled down her cheeks. She clenched his arm with one hand and placed her other hand on his chest and expressed her most desperate wish, “Come Back. Please.” All of a sudden the door opened slowly and he entered. He came near her bed and smiled down at her. Her heart could not comprehend if it was a mere dream or for real. Had months really passed by since he had left? Had she really not slept for all these countless nights? Or was it just a nightmare? Was he really back? She immediately turned on the light and could see he was still there. A tear rolled down her cheek out of relief and she ran and hugged him tight.
“It has ended”, he said, “And I’m back. Now on I’m never leaving you. It’s over.”
She folded herself inside him. This made her now feel the difference of his actually physical presence that she felt now and that she had felt during all those lonely nights. Everything was so real. His body was even warmer, his smell was stronger, his arms were harder and his palms were rougher. Gradually she stopped shivering and shaking and she fell asleep in his arms for the first time in months.
*
Immediately there was a harsh knock on the door and she woke up. It was still night and she got up to the door. He had held her. He asked, “How do you feel now?” She nodded and smiled, “Happy, I am not going to let you leave again ever.” “It has ended my love and I’m back never to leave u again.” he said. She smiled brightly and widely. He laid back and she went to open the door. Her sister stood there filled with high adrenalin, all sweat and tears. She held her wrist and pulled her to the verandah of their home.
A lot of men in uniform she saw. She was left perplexed. She moved a little forward and saw his parents there too. His mother’s face was hidden deep inside his father’s chest. She shook uncontrollably and he tried to contain her in his two wrinkled human hands. Her sister came from behind and hugged her wetting her shoulder. She pulled herself away with a drift and looked at her with questioning eyes. His mother fell on the ground on her knees all of a sudden. She looked down to see him sleeping in his uniform, covered with a white sheet. He looked serene. She kept staring at the picture that was hard to believe. “Di, speak up, say something!” here sister shook her hard shrieking out her harsh words. That woke her up. She could see things clearly now but she couldn’t respond. She didn’t want to be so awake. What kind of sick joke Almighty had made her life to be? She felt dizzy, tired and started shivering again. A terrible mix of too many emotions she was feeling and all of a sudden his voice rang in her head. That infused calmness inside her and she looked at her sister.
“He is back now and promised never to leave me again! Everything has ended. Its over.”
*
She walked back to her room. She lied down on her bed and closed her eyes. She was scared that things might change. As she did this he wrapped his hands around her. She felt complete as a woman. It was all perfect and she then decided never to open her eyes again. And as she breathed in his smell, his warmth and his touch; he engulfed her completely.
Since the time he had left her, this is what sleep had become to her. She was constantly hanging somewhere in between is some painful state of trance. But she never complained. It was just 6 months since the time he left her. She had this dream awaiting of becoming his lady soon. A certain girl she was who was a little shy with others and the only person she would feel comfortable with wasn’t there unfortunately.
He had left her and nothing stopped him from leaving then. Not even her pair of innocent, affectionate, scared – about to water, eyes. He had to leave since he had received a call for help from his first love of his life after all.
He was this handsome man with a very well built strong body. His image of this rough man in a uniform was glued to her eyes and mind ever since. The last few moments she had spent with him was one evening – when he’d come to meet her for one last time at the place they always met; looked at her in the most beautiful manner, came forth and kissed her forehead, looked into her eyes assuring he’ll be back holding her face. This played repeatedly in her mind. She’d left for home and gone to sleep then; assuring herself it’ll all turn out to be a silly dream the next day.
*
Somehow every night the same film played in her mind and every single time it was so real. She could actually feel his rough palms as they caressed her cheeks, his rock solid warm arms, and his body smell when he had hugged her one last time. That firm kiss he had given her, still kept that part of her forehead warm. She felt then how he had torn himself away from her and headed out, leaving her behind with only left over, and lingering warmth. And that warmth returned every night. Every night they came together and became a single picture of him holding her face; that he then tore away taking a little paper from her side of the picture with him.
*
That night he came again with all his warmth swirling around him. When he tore away this time, she woke up all scared, sweating and shivering. She could feel pounding of a beat in every limb of her body. She wanted him to hold her. Big tears rolled down her cheeks. She clenched his arm with one hand and placed her other hand on his chest and expressed her most desperate wish, “Come Back. Please.” All of a sudden the door opened slowly and he entered. He came near her bed and smiled down at her. Her heart could not comprehend if it was a mere dream or for real. Had months really passed by since he had left? Had she really not slept for all these countless nights? Or was it just a nightmare? Was he really back? She immediately turned on the light and could see he was still there. A tear rolled down her cheek out of relief and she ran and hugged him tight.
“It has ended”, he said, “And I’m back. Now on I’m never leaving you. It’s over.”
She folded herself inside him. This made her now feel the difference of his actually physical presence that she felt now and that she had felt during all those lonely nights. Everything was so real. His body was even warmer, his smell was stronger, his arms were harder and his palms were rougher. Gradually she stopped shivering and shaking and she fell asleep in his arms for the first time in months.
*
Immediately there was a harsh knock on the door and she woke up. It was still night and she got up to the door. He had held her. He asked, “How do you feel now?” She nodded and smiled, “Happy, I am not going to let you leave again ever.” “It has ended my love and I’m back never to leave u again.” he said. She smiled brightly and widely. He laid back and she went to open the door. Her sister stood there filled with high adrenalin, all sweat and tears. She held her wrist and pulled her to the verandah of their home.
A lot of men in uniform she saw. She was left perplexed. She moved a little forward and saw his parents there too. His mother’s face was hidden deep inside his father’s chest. She shook uncontrollably and he tried to contain her in his two wrinkled human hands. Her sister came from behind and hugged her wetting her shoulder. She pulled herself away with a drift and looked at her with questioning eyes. His mother fell on the ground on her knees all of a sudden. She looked down to see him sleeping in his uniform, covered with a white sheet. He looked serene. She kept staring at the picture that was hard to believe. “Di, speak up, say something!” here sister shook her hard shrieking out her harsh words. That woke her up. She could see things clearly now but she couldn’t respond. She didn’t want to be so awake. What kind of sick joke Almighty had made her life to be? She felt dizzy, tired and started shivering again. A terrible mix of too many emotions she was feeling and all of a sudden his voice rang in her head. That infused calmness inside her and she looked at her sister.
“He is back now and promised never to leave me again! Everything has ended. Its over.”
*
She walked back to her room. She lied down on her bed and closed her eyes. She was scared that things might change. As she did this he wrapped his hands around her. She felt complete as a woman. It was all perfect and she then decided never to open her eyes again. And as she breathed in his smell, his warmth and his touch; he engulfed her completely.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Grabbed in a storm of two minds
It doesn't seem it'll be over soon
An indecisive struggle my boat fights
Riding tides made by the moon
And though the storm will end
Will my boat make it through?
How many more days and how many more nights
Will my boat deal with this typhoon?
Sea water is rough and the gales very strong
My boat is only made of wood
It could sink or sail away
Into the distance forever for good
Grabbed in a battle of two conflicting kinds
And it doesn’t seem it’ll be over soon
Oh what will be my boat’s plight?
Would it set sails against the winds
Or anchor against the sea’s might?
Would my boat stay put
Or would it put up a fight?
It doesn't seem it'll be over soon
An indecisive struggle my boat fights
Riding tides made by the moon
And though the storm will end
Will my boat make it through?
How many more days and how many more nights
Will my boat deal with this typhoon?
Sea water is rough and the gales very strong
My boat is only made of wood
It could sink or sail away
Into the distance forever for good
Grabbed in a battle of two conflicting kinds
And it doesn’t seem it’ll be over soon
Oh what will be my boat’s plight?
Would it set sails against the winds
Or anchor against the sea’s might?
Would my boat stay put
Or would it put up a fight?
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