Ant-ique Growth

I have been fascinated by ants since childhood. I don’t know if we had more worthwhile things to do back in those days when we were a 3-4 yrs old, but we spent quality time following the trail of ants in houses/ walls/ terraces, dint we?. How beautifully they kissed and greeted each other while they moved in opposite directions along a line. Not an ant was missed in this greeting process.

After many years of ignoring these tiny living beings, yesterday to my surprise i saw a black ant scurrying over my arms, as if in some major hurry to achieve something!

Abruptly, my mind concocted a metaphor.

How different are we humans from those tiny creatures? Their entire life is about working, eating sleeping, reproducing. But that’s exactly what we as humans do too. Isn’t it?! As for ‘Working’, of whatever I know, a large part involves collection and storage of food. Here I am talking about the ants, not some trip to the grocery store.

But we, of course are smarter and ‘evolved’ as they say, aren’t we? We work too, but for MONEY?!! We obviously fail to see that even this is to buy food, clothing and a place to see- if we consider basic requirements. So basically, we just take a longer route, while we slog at work, get paid at the end of the month and then go buy food with it. The ants just go out and get food directly (quite often from our kitchen compartments too)!

What else can money buy?
Clothes? Ants don’t need them.
Travel? They don’t need tickets and passports.
Discotheques? They can dance whenever they want, they don’t need pretentious time and place for it.
Just list anything else that comes to your mind and see what the ants do instead

Just one innocent tiny God’s creature can so wondrously put the whole pride of being ‘more evolved’ as species to pretense.

I say, Wake Up!
See that just mere physical structure difference or money doesn’t set us apart!

We still are a worker ant, slogging away to eternity. One needs to Excel in life by growing as a person, by growing as a good human and not just by mere promotions!

This ability to be able to meditate is only given us, isn’t it! One wouldn’t see an ant sitting cross legged with palms on thighs breathing deeply. The entire life of humans has been about: waking up- go to school/college/ work- come back home- eat- watch tv/talk/etc.- sleep. On weekends- go for movies/ hangout with friends. And then of course, the occasional vacations. 25/30 years of your life have passed by and it only feels like yesterday right?  Well, another 30 will pass in the same way. And all people will remember you as some CEO of some company. If that’s just the case in reality, Sad it is! Let’s hope that doesn't happen.

Let’s live, lets experience something that we have never ever before in life.
Let’s get some exposure of the different flavors that life has to offer. I can promise one thing with the experience that I have. The satisfaction that one would get when one child hugs you will be unmatched to the ‘happiness’ you’ll get with your promotions. Go to an orphanage; adopt a child’s education- for as long as one can. Go to an old age home, take up some medical bills. Enroll for those teaching programs. OR SIMPLY ANYTHING SIMPLE!

The time to explore these little things is NOW. One will always have a choice. There is a choice to transcend into infinity and evolve yourself beyond a state of being human or, just scurry along crazily, for just tiny pieces of sugar!

Her Life - A Reverie

She was tired and was lying on her bed. She was continuously tossing and turning going through her usual uneasy sleep. She wasn’t definitely asleep actually.


Since the time he had left her, this is what sleep had become to her. She was constantly hanging somewhere in between is some painful state of trance. But she never complained. It was just 6 months since the time he left her. She had this dream awaiting of becoming his lady soon. A certain girl she was who was a little shy with others and the only person she would feel comfortable with wasn’t there unfortunately.


He had left her and nothing stopped him from leaving then. Not even her pair of innocent, affectionate, scared – about to water, eyes. He had to leave since he had received a call for help from his first love of his life after all.


He was this handsome man with a very well built strong body. His image of this rough man in a uniform was glued to her eyes and mind ever since. The last few moments she had spent with him was one evening – when he’d come to meet her for one last time at the place they always met; looked at her in the most beautiful manner, came forth and kissed her forehead, looked into her eyes assuring he’ll be back holding her face. This played repeatedly in her mind. She’d left for home and gone to sleep then; assuring herself it’ll all turn out to be a silly dream the next day.


*

Somehow every night the same film played in her mind and every single time it was so real. She could actually feel his rough palms as they caressed her cheeks, his rock solid warm arms, and his body smell when he had hugged her one last time. That firm kiss he had given her, still kept that part of her forehead warm. She felt then how he had torn himself away from her and headed out, leaving her behind with only left over, and lingering warmth. And that warmth returned every night. Every night they came together and became a single picture of him holding her face; that he then tore away taking a little paper from her side of the picture with him.


 *

That night he came again with all his warmth swirling around him. When he tore away this time, she woke up all scared, sweating and shivering. She could feel pounding of a beat in every limb of her body. She wanted him to hold her. Big tears rolled down her cheeks. She clenched his arm with one hand and placed her other hand on his chest and expressed her most desperate wish, “Come Back. Please.” All of a sudden the door opened slowly and he entered. He came near her bed and smiled down at her. Her heart could not comprehend if it was a mere dream or for real. Had months really passed by since he had left? Had she really not slept for all these countless nights? Or was it just a nightmare? Was he really back? She immediately turned on the light and could see he was still there. A tear rolled down her cheek out of relief and she ran and hugged him tight.


“It has ended”, he said, “And I’m back. Now on I’m never leaving you. It’s over.”


She folded herself inside him. This made her now feel the difference of his actually physical presence that she felt now and that she had felt during all those lonely nights. Everything was so real. His body was even warmer, his smell was stronger, his arms were harder and his palms were rougher. Gradually she stopped shivering and shaking and she fell asleep in his arms for the first time in months.


*

Immediately there was a harsh knock on the door and she woke up. It was still night and she got up to the door. He had held her. He asked, “How do you feel now?” She nodded and smiled, “Happy, I am not going to let you leave again ever.” “It has ended my love and I’m back never to leave u again.” he said. She smiled brightly and widely. He laid back and she went to open the door. Her sister stood there filled with high adrenalin, all sweat and tears. She held her wrist and pulled her to the verandah of their home.


A lot of men in uniform she saw. She was left perplexed. She moved a little forward and saw his parents there too. His mother’s face was hidden deep inside his father’s chest. She shook uncontrollably and he tried to contain her in his two wrinkled human hands. Her sister came from behind and hugged her wetting her shoulder. She pulled herself away with a drift and looked at her with questioning eyes. His mother fell on the ground on her knees all of a sudden. She looked down to see him sleeping in his uniform, covered with a white sheet. He looked serene. She kept staring at the picture that was hard to believe. “Di, speak up, say something!” here sister shook her hard shrieking out her harsh words. That woke her up. She could see things clearly now but she couldn’t respond. She didn’t want to be so awake. What kind of sick joke Almighty had made her life to be? She felt dizzy, tired and started shivering again. A terrible mix of too many emotions she was feeling and all of a sudden his voice rang in her head. That infused calmness inside her and she looked at her sister.


“He is back now and promised never to leave me again! Everything has ended. Its over.”


*

She walked back to her room. She lied down on her bed and closed her eyes. She was scared that things might change. As she did this he wrapped his hands around her. She felt complete as a woman. It was all perfect and she then decided never to open her eyes again. And as she breathed in his smell, his warmth and his touch; he engulfed her completely.

A Few Things

There are a few things that bring me home, he said
Your lustrous lips and breakfast in bed

You wake up in the morning and walk away from me
Hastily tying your hair up but bodily esprit

The naked spine carrying the night’s battle scars
So much pleasure is a sin sometimes
So put me behind bars

You pause, you turn your head back to blow me that cute kiss
Such incredible power you have over me, miss

I stroke the sheets and the heat that still lingers
And memories of last night when I caress your fingers

There are few things that bring me home, he said
I become the child again and you bring breakfast in bed!

My four-legged love bugs!!! :)

The most unconditional love that I’ve been encountering these days is with these cute cuddly creatures, the tiny-toy like babies, who jump with tremendous joy and excitement the moment they see me everyday coming at work. Their innocent eyes look at me expectantly for food and hop energetically for some play after munching on their brunch.

Guess its very rightly said, "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." :) :) :)

Radha-Krishna's Divine Love!

This is one of my favorite cutest love stories of all times, that I would like to share. It depicts how love can be utterly unconditional. How fully amazing it feels to love someone so innocently expecting nothing at all. Here you go guys, read on:

The Radha-Krishna amour is a love legend of all times. When Lord Krishna left to fight His uncle Kamsa, Radha wept. Krishna told her that her tears were a hindrance for Him to leave on His mission and told her to stop crying. Radha didn’t shed a tear after that day. She longed for her beloved for years and years. The divine love she shared with Krishna was incomparable.

Lord Krishna overthrew and killed Kamsa and went on to Dwarka where He married Rukmini. Krishna is said to have had 16,108 wives. Rukmini continuously kept complaining about him giving some special attention to Radha. She said, “What is the big deal about her. What can she do for you that I can’t?” Rukmini was hopelessly jealous. She complained further that Krishna loved Radha the most though she was distant.

One day, Krishna had a terrible head ache. Rukmini and the other queens rushed about with all kinds of remedies but to no avail. They consulted a vaidhya and he asked the Lord Himself to tell him which drug would cure Krishna. Krishna told that his head ache would stop when the feet of a true bhakt is kept on his forehead! Listening to this, Rukmini and all other queens were aghast! They refused to keep their feet on Krishna’s forehead as it was a great sin! They said, “You are god’s manifestation on Earth and our dearest beloved. How can we dare step on your head? We would do anything for you but that!” Thus, no one volunteered and Lord Krishna continued to be in great pain.

The news reached Radha in Vrindavan and she immediately left everything to rush to her beloved. She immediately kept her feet on Krishna’s forehead to rid her Lord of His head ache.

Seeing this, the people exclaimed that she would go straight to hell for such a grave sin. Radha smilingly said, “What does it matter if I have to go to hell as long as my Lord is relieved of His pain. I would readily go to hell a hundred lifetimes also!”

This act of Radha made all the other queens realize the divine love she had for Lord Krishna. It was so strong that she put her beloved before everything else, even enlightenment. Thus, Radha’s name is uttered even today whenever Krishna is referred to although she wasn’t married to Him.

Really insightful, isn’t it?

A figment of my imagination associated with Him!

It was a very usual way they met. They were naive and natural when they met at the institution. She seemed uninterested to even look at him initially. He was stronger, wiser, wittier, likable and intellectual. Quite close to a perfect charmer!

All cute angels from the heaven had been doing their job, and hence there was very little to be done. His roughness, and yet that gentleness in his eyes and face. A little rough around the edges made him more appealing. His authority was his sex appeal and she secretly loved to succumb to. She expressed and now both knew it, and they played along. Unfortunately they were grown up little kids.

She took pride in herself, in her strength, until the day he swept her off her feet. From not looking at him or in his direction to desperately pussyfooting to check on him. Someone he was whom she began to believe and finally she assumed he was made for her. Everything unplanned yet with accurate degree of perfection by nature. Beautiful it was.

And then nature took its course. Jill came tumbling down. She tumbled deeper into this whirlpool of love. He could understand. Because he was the Jack. She started seeing and believing the greener pastures, wherein actually it was a brown dry one. Jack showed her to see green in it, and she did.

And now she rubs her eyes over and over. But it just doesn’t appear to be green. Her heart now feels sold, but she steals it and places it back in herself. Never to let it slip again.

Now they are missed intensely sometimes, Jack and Jill!

The Bike Ride ♥

Out and over the golden straights
Up and over the beautiful mountains
Along the streams lazy curves
These lovely sights would be someday my visual fate

The breeze is pounding and pelting
At my soul
That relaxing massaging
It too gives, while I ride to reach my goal

The love of the road
The spirits so free
The love to be a little insane
To ride on those city streets even in that rain

Live to ride, ride to live
Ride through the burning roads, ride through the sun
Jus ride, ride and ride
Until your ass says you’re done!

They call it, 'A Lot Like Love'

I am no expert to comment on love. But today morning while I was talking to a friend of mine who was still crazy about a guy whom she had been dating in the past and who left her to marry a certain girl from his community made me to re-think on this topic.

*

Every night she used to lie on her bed, tossing and turning, having her usual uneasy sleep. Since he had left her 8 months back, this is what sleep had become to her- hanging somewhere in-between, in an uncomfortable state of trance. She didn’t complain. But almost every night the same film played in her mind. It would be very real every single time. She missed his rough palms that caressed her soft cheeks, his rock solid arms that lifted her out of play, even his body smell when he had last hugged her. She needed him to hold her but the very thought of him having left her life caused the tears roll down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and her face crimped as she silently cried harder; she uttered her most desperate wish, “Please come back”

*

I’ve often seen love quite messy, unpredictable an extremely painful. I could feel my friends sorrow.

Sometimes when you sit and reminiscence, there is a slight sliver of the almost forgotten tingle that passes your body.

Why the hell is that there?

No matter how brief or short-lived the romance was, you seem totally hooked on them.

As Carrie Bradshaw said, “Some love stories are not epic novels, some are short stories, but that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.”

*

There is a point of time when you think that you love someone to the core, with all your heart and soul, but that someone resolutely refuses to fall in love with you. It’s not like in the cute romantic movies where a guy realizes what a dumb ass he’s been all the while and comes back running to you.

In actual life, sadly there is no boom, no audience applause, no heart throbbing moment before you kiss in love and be happily united forever. But the feeling. . .Well, they get the feeling spot on right in the novels and movies.

Yes it is very natural that you feel weak in the knees, u feel giddy, your heart skips a beat hearing their voice. And when the other person doesn’t reciprocate, you lock yourself in your room all day long, staring into the space, tortured by agonizing spasms of loss and tearing grief at the way things ended.

*

For me, Love is like a good weather. Because, fall, wind, snow, rain are just another kind of good weather. Aren’t they? And all of them subside one way or the other. In life, there are big exciting romantic moments which make life worth living. But here is the problem. Moments pass away, and lurking around the corner for those moments is the cruel hearted unshaven truth named “REALITY”

*

Kate Winslet’s words in the movie ‘The Holiday’,

“I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have been misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy? And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he will see the light and show up at your door. And after all that....however long 'all that' maybe, you will go somewhere new. And you will meet people who will make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those months and years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

*

The scar will always be there, but if you see it closely, it’s getting lighter and lighter every day, until just a dash remains and it doesn't hurt you anymore. It’s just there. . .

:-)

When shes asking for chocolates and flowers
I jus long for that one look
When shes asking for gifts and surprises,
I jus long for that one assuring touch

When shes asking for those big bold diamonds
I jus long for that one warm hug
When those cheeks touch in affection & admiration
I long for you, to jus stand by me

When he lifts her up to get a giggle
I long for your friendly hand round my neck
When they kiss in love
I long for you to jus hold my hand

When you are going to them
All I want is a plain text smiley from you
When you can’t be here
All I want from you is to remember me

When later if we can’t be, I will be so blue
But all I would do is pray for a happy you
With a very little space for me

I want to be a bit more to you than somebody who sits and composes a poetry!

. . .

My ideas have gone yellow,
The ink has dried..

The paper stares at me expectantly
Ohh my God...m feeling sick,
I need to write!!

Bewitched ;)

Mesmerizing me is simple,
the only thing you have to do
is talk..

With that mouth, as it moves slowly
In my head..

Those eyes that look into mine bashfully..

Those hands that peck my arm
a few seconds,

so naturally

I freeze
'coz I think I forget to breathe every now and then

BUT believe me
I swear,
I listen! ;)

WHIMSICALITY!!!

It’s strange at times how much weirdly whimsical a person can be..There have been times when you are not sad, but neither happy…Citing my personal example, I wish to write upon this. Read on:

How much fun it would be had it been possible to turn back the time and travel into a period where life was so carefree, where bunking classes was a trend, cribbing over exams was an art, cursing teachers was purely enjoyable, sighing over that ‘cute guy’, assuring to pay the dues to the chaiwala, wondering what the future would be like...

How much fun it’d be taking a long holiday from work, going shopping till you can’t shop anymore, dancing like a crazy duck, relishing the aroma of tea and hot pakodas and the smell of wet soil during the rains, getting thrilled for a long drive on a rugged bike with the man you love on a pleasant summer evening in your usual comfy tee & shorts, enjoying a soft, fluffy candy floss till it dissolves in your mouth…

How wonderful joyful life it’d be had it been simply staying with your girlfriends, hanging out with them, roaming around and doing all the possible mad crazzyy girly stuffs with them, working with them, screaming with them, learning with them…

Sometimes how much happiness it’d given you every time you saw yourself in the mirror, where for a moment it takes you back and drops in the middle, and acts like a magnifier to look through yourself, at yourself! To notice the unperturbed fire within…To appreciate the lovely dress in which you’ve posed numerous times elegantly…

There are these familiar surroundings always that do bring a smile, but sometimes not for too long.
There is this feeling like an injured soldier.
There prevails this weird emptiness within that gets hidden behind those laughter & enjoyment with best friends, cousins or neighbors.
Nevertheless there is a pleasant smile on the face too before going to bed after thanking the Lord.

I wonder why we feel what we feel??
We’ve not failed somewhere, but haven’t succeeded yet either…We as humans just keep trying.
After all that’s what life is all about, right? To keep moving on?!
Rise each time to fall, but pick up something each time you fall!!

I wish I could go back to the old days when I was a child and I could simply crack, laugh, enjoy, every bit of LIFE!!

That was Life or is this Life??

Languish

I long for you..in my thought
In the center of my soul
I yearn for that one look, that affection in your eyes
Those lil surprises that make me smile


I yearn for that tender assuring touch,
The safe warmth of your arms round my neck
Or one big tight hug


I yearn for you to just stand by me holding my hand


In those busy times,
All I want is a text with a smiley from you
All I wish is that you remember me,
No regrets if we can’t be
I just wish for a happy you
And that i mean to you much more than mere a poesy

Love-And-Hatred!

I was loving it then,
When you looked into my eyes and spoke

I was loving it then,
When you held my hand so tight, I could crack

Oh I was so loving it,
And now it seems so long since then
But still, I can keep a track!

But slowly things started to change..

Slowly things started to change,
When you made those moments rationalize
How sad was that change,
When your lips made efforts to make things look fine

But still it was so weird..
That I couldn’t make myself realize!

Its become painful now,
When my eyes search for you but would neva see you simply..

And its become painful now,
When you’ve become so distant and not just physically..
Such bad is the pain..
When you have left me and you think very smartly

But this pain, it actually doesn’t really matter to me,
Wot once mattered
Wot really, really mattered,
Was YOU actually..!!

I’ve realized we’ll never end up together,
I’ve realized we’ll never make it any better,

I’ve realized you make me feel so low,
I’ve realized we’ll drift apart with time even more,
And I’ll make myself simply let go..

I’ve realized that sometimes you simply pretend in front of me,
I’ve realized we’ll never even start together,
forget be..

But the truth is..
I’ll never love you any lesser!

The truth is..
I’ve never felt like this ever before!

The truth is..
Those moments will be my unforgettable memories!

LOVE is a huge word!!

We often sit & think about how it would be to be in Love, what it is actually like being in Love, is it actually good or bad to deeply passionately Love somebody, is it really good to care for somebody more than you care for yourself, most importantly is that what you feel is Love only - and not those loose physical attractions or infatuations..

Define the four-letter word LOVE-
“Love- It’s a great feeling. It makes you feel great. The very thought of being in love with someone is great, sharing special precious moments, sharing talks, sharing life. Doing crazy things together, fighting over small small topics & then setting your so-called ego aside & surrendering to your partner, making memories and then being together to remember those memories. Laugh over them, cry over them. Seems its all the great good things you feel! You close your eyes, you see him and smile at the very thought of him. You are so very sure that you love him to the core..You love that person more than yourself..more than anything else..any of your possessions..
Isn’t it??
Think again..

Love is not that simple..
Imagine your love is unwell for a while. Is unable to move out of bed..So sick that need care & attention all the time. Need you, your entire time. Will you be there?? Will you be there all the time, time till they become very fine?? You know there’ll be vomit. Will you be ready to move closer to their back to pat them & to make it easy for them?? Or would you simply jump back with a disgusted look? Will you clean their vomit? Will be there sitting beside their bed whole night jus to ensure that they sleep properly? Will you be there to wake up in the middle of the night to give them medicine? Will you caryy them to the bathroom no matter how tired you are? Will you be there to provide help during any time of the day or night? To make something as small as tea or coffee or a bowl of soup even at 3 A.M? Will you be patient? Will you still experience that love you imagined earlier when you closed your eyes & saw his/her face? Does it still seem pretty?Or do you leave them to deal with their sickness alone?? Are you strong enough? Is your love string enough? Are you ready to sacrifice for them- sacrifice everything for a while & just be with them – sacrifice your time, money, job, friends, comfort, relaxation, life? Can you?? Are you strong enough? Is your love strong enough?? ? It's not easy and not everyone can do it.
Think again. Think hard. Be sure.

Everything in LOVE is not happy. & great. There are testing moments always thrown in between. To test your affection, To test your promise, Your strength., Your support. Moments that test your love, that test YOU!! You can not say that you love someone because you feel like spending nice time with them, because you have fun with them all the while. You can not say you love someone because you want to see the world with them. When you realize that you can be with someone and be there for them always, no matter what, no matter what other things demand, then it's “TRUE LOVE”. When you know that no force in the world can break the promise you made, then it's “TRUE LOVE”. When doing something for the one you love gives you a pleasure, unmatched to when your most cherished dream came true, then it's “TRUE LOVE”. When that tiniest twinkle in the eyes of the one you love gives you immense happiness, makes you forget all your worries & sorrows, then it’s “TRUE LOVE”. When amidst all the gloom, you are able to smile, smile for them, to make them feel well, then that's “TRUE LOVE”. When you derive pleasure by surrendering to the one you love, then that is “TRUE LOVE”.

So if you think you are in love, always think about the other side of love as well. Think different. Feel different. Evolve Continuously. Experience something greater. Love differently!!