From Moments to Memories to Marriage Thoughts - II

*

Tears rolled down my cheeks as Divya jija held me by my shoulder and asked,
“What happened ?”
“Marks” I replied, in the lowest volume. My head bowed down in shame.
“Arre its okay, Mamisa wont say anything. Jus say sorry and that you’ll work hard in the next term” she said, reassuringly.

I had barely survived to pass in the Maths exam when my other classmates managed to secure really good marks.

“But my other friends have done very well” I uttered, sobbing really hard. I saw my tears fall off and land on my grey pinafore. I desperately hoped for more reassuring words and as none came, I looked up.

She had this “why- the- hell- you- have- to- irrelevantly- compare- with- others” look on her face. As I kept looking, hoping she’ll say something, she just pressed her lips. My heart sank even more. I felt terrible about myself. I bid her goodbye and walked off. Once out of sight, I started walking fast out of nervousness. Somewhere down the road, as more water filled in my eyes, ready to flow, my vision blurred and I tripped on a stone and fell, bruising my elbow.

I woke up again. I chuckled at how silly I was. We all were, aint we? As I child, I felt such intense emotions on such small things. We lived completely in the moment. I slept off again and drifted away.

*

From Moments to Memories to Marriage Thoughts - III

“I can’t believe she fought with me for her loser boyfriend!” I said, disheartened.
“C’mon. you’ll do that too when you’ll have one.” she said to soothe me.
“I always support her. What is she doing?” I said in a pissed off manner. I couldn’t leave her and felt like calling her up and crying on the phone.
“Come” jija said.
“Nothing, you’re doing nothing but having an ice cream with me…come” she answered.
“What? I’m in a no mood to go eat an ice cream! What for?” I protested.
“To cool down your racing head” she dragged me.

Mid-way, I gave into the idea and after two mango dollies each, we didn’t care a damn about anything. Smiling and making promises, we parted to our respective homes.

I woke up and turned side ways. Recalling the dream, one ice cream was all it took to revitalize us.

*

And now is even a life partner enough? I smiled remembering how we had fallen on each other when needed. And now everything has changed after she got married. After a point it becomes awkward calling her all the time. And my issues would seem so petty to her, after all the responsibilities she’s bound to take care after her marriage. I always believed marriage to be a relationship based on undermining the past ones. Were the other relationships too? If yes, then what would be the ultimate, unchanging relationship?

*

There had been times I had been smitten by her, hated her, and started liking her again and then there were incidents where I’d decided I would love her forever. How typically I had fallen in love with her. And such a typical love-hate relationship we shared! Is that what love is, I wondered…If that was true, I tried to reason what was so special about marriage? What was the need of it at all? May be people got married because gradually all those who they fell back on got married.

I couldn’t help but wonder that if I had someone who would satisfy my emotional needs, would I ever tie the knot? Would anyone? Why was marriage so important? I felt my brain hurt and instantly longed for the days when decisions about things in life were simply a mere facsimile of the decisions of the person you looked up to for no particular reason.

The Bike Ride ♥

Out and over the golden straights
Up and over the beautiful mountains
Along the streams lazy curves
These lovely sights would be someday my visual fate

The breeze is pounding and pelting
At my soul
That relaxing massaging
It too gives, while I ride to reach my goal

The love of the road
The spirits so free
The love to be a little insane
To ride on those city streets even in that rain

Live to ride, ride to live
Ride through the burning roads, ride through the sun
Jus ride, ride and ride
Until your ass says you’re done!

Becharmed

The whites she wore
dissolved into her skin
Though nothing tore
they managed to reach within.

Her hands she used
to fight them back
But couldn't do anything anymore
and surrendered to their sin.

They went down her nose, her cheeks
Her lips, her neck and her waist so thin...

Everyone jus watched,
She was hard to ignore
But none came to help her
As she stood helpless in the downpour.

They call it, 'A Lot Like Love'

I am no expert to comment on love. But today morning while I was talking to a friend of mine who was still crazy about a guy whom she had been dating in the past and who left her to marry a certain girl from his community made me to re-think on this topic.

*

Every night she used to lie on her bed, tossing and turning, having her usual uneasy sleep. Since he had left her 8 months back, this is what sleep had become to her- hanging somewhere in-between, in an uncomfortable state of trance. She didn’t complain. But almost every night the same film played in her mind. It would be very real every single time. She missed his rough palms that caressed her soft cheeks, his rock solid arms that lifted her out of play, even his body smell when he had last hugged her. She needed him to hold her but the very thought of him having left her life caused the tears roll down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and her face crimped as she silently cried harder; she uttered her most desperate wish, “Please come back”

*

I’ve often seen love quite messy, unpredictable an extremely painful. I could feel my friends sorrow.

Sometimes when you sit and reminiscence, there is a slight sliver of the almost forgotten tingle that passes your body.

Why the hell is that there?

No matter how brief or short-lived the romance was, you seem totally hooked on them.

As Carrie Bradshaw said, “Some love stories are not epic novels, some are short stories, but that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.”

*

There is a point of time when you think that you love someone to the core, with all your heart and soul, but that someone resolutely refuses to fall in love with you. It’s not like in the cute romantic movies where a guy realizes what a dumb ass he’s been all the while and comes back running to you.

In actual life, sadly there is no boom, no audience applause, no heart throbbing moment before you kiss in love and be happily united forever. But the feeling. . .Well, they get the feeling spot on right in the novels and movies.

Yes it is very natural that you feel weak in the knees, u feel giddy, your heart skips a beat hearing their voice. And when the other person doesn’t reciprocate, you lock yourself in your room all day long, staring into the space, tortured by agonizing spasms of loss and tearing grief at the way things ended.

*

For me, Love is like a good weather. Because, fall, wind, snow, rain are just another kind of good weather. Aren’t they? And all of them subside one way or the other. In life, there are big exciting romantic moments which make life worth living. But here is the problem. Moments pass away, and lurking around the corner for those moments is the cruel hearted unshaven truth named “REALITY”

*

Kate Winslet’s words in the movie ‘The Holiday’,

“I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have been misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy? And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he will see the light and show up at your door. And after all that....however long 'all that' maybe, you will go somewhere new. And you will meet people who will make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those months and years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

*

The scar will always be there, but if you see it closely, it’s getting lighter and lighter every day, until just a dash remains and it doesn't hurt you anymore. It’s just there. . .

An Imposter

She looked at

A very handsome man

He looked at her

And made a plan

He now gave her

An enchanting smile

Her doe-eyes she battered

For a while

He then sent her

A mixed drink

A tomato red she blushed

About to shrink

He went over confidently

And asked her for a dance

She gave her hand to his

Without a glance

They danced away

For the all night long

All she thought as she swayed

"To him I belong"

He dropped her to her place

Now ready to say good bye

A perfect night in Paris

She had with the guy

“Need to leave” smilingly she said

In a saucy tone

He firmly took her by waist

A shiver ran through her bone

He touched her face gently

And all seemed perfect to the brink

Until she felt the metallic chill

Of his cold wedding ring!

Ompriya

To one of my CUTEST Friends. . .

I always had this belief that birthdays are the days where one should have the greatest parties and the most precious presents. The days when one should look and feel the most beautiful or the most handsome person in the world. The days when one should wear the cutest and the most stylish outfits. But over the years I realized, it’s just not that. The best ones actually are the ones spent with the ones who love you and whom you love.

And here I am today to pen down my story with one of the most special persons(whos b’day it is today) in my life! Its you ompriya!

EARLIER: Ompriya, my school buddy she is. Blend of “charm and cuteness”, “style and simplicity”, “dimples and twinkles”, “curves and long hair”. Over the years in school and tuitions we never talked much nor did we hangout together. When she left for her further studies to Australia, I wasn’t even aware.

*

DECEMBER 2010: Then surprisingly she bumped into my life back on nikita’s b’day a year back. She was as warm as ever and we had great fun while planning a surprise for nikita. Inspite of having the greatest times together on that day, we did not remain in touch. Since maybe we were so busy wid pleasing the “Mr. X” in our lives.

*

MAY 2011: My friend needed one more model for the NIFT ramp show. A name popped up in my mind and I rushed to my cell phone to speed dial the number unhesitatingly. Ompriya it was. Shyly she tried all the lovely garments on reaching the venue and posed elegantly for those final shots. The tiring rehearsals began the same day where we are taught to walk on that narrow platform extending to the auditorium in those high heels for hours. Both of us, the food deprived among several other similar models savored the chilled chocolate milk at the cafeteria. A conversation clicked and we became friends like never before.

*

JUNE 2011: I realized its just two months I have to have the maddest times with her and listed down the movies I want to catch with her, the places I wish to explore (e.g. Thol), the malls I wish to shop, and the coffee shops I wish to enjoy my mocha chillos on those rainy evenings. The execution began then. . .

*

TWO MONTHS DOWN THE LINE: I am trying to describe the times I spent with her before her birthday so that no matter where she’d be in the coming years, she can still read it and recall all the greatest times she had wid one of her un-biological sisters.

Ompriya I jus wanted to let you know that you are amazing! It’s only been three months we got into touch but it seems like its been a lifetime. I’d never really thought I’d get to know you so well. I would want to thank you for every little thing you’d done for me, for always being there no matter what time or what distance or difference, for being there by my side when times got a little rough, for trusting me, listening to me, having faith in me help me regain my faith in myself back. I love you a lot sweetie.

Ompriya, I realize you are that kinda cute girl

• Who’d not comfort you when somebody rejects you, but would go upto him and ask, “It’s because you are Gay, aint it?”
  
  
• Who’d not console you saying things like “it’s okay shit happens” when you’ll cry, but would rather tell you to laugh at the “LOSER ass****” responsible for those precious tears.
  
  
• Who’d not leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing, but would kick the crowd’s butt for doing so.
• Who’d not just tell you that she understands how you feel, but would sit with you and cry along.
  
  
• Who’d not just help you find a prince for yourself, but would actually kidnap the man you love and bring him to you.
  
  
• Who’d not sit at the side of the pool with you but throw a tampon and push you in out of mischief.
  
  
• Who’d not offer you the umbrella when it rains, but would yell “Run b**** Run!”
  
  

Sweets, your name is my definition of a best friend. Have the most beautiful birthday and celebrate it in the most wonderful manner.

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY*

Loadsa lowe angel,

bhakti