From Moments to Memories to Marriage Thoughts - I

As I was sitting on my cozy bed watching a romantic bollywood flick, all engrossed in a scene where the bride and groom face the holy fire, I hoped at least someday such hot wrath of holy fire would burn off my bad karmas. It was 2 am, and I was half asleep. I couldn’t feel my feet. Maybe it was because of the biting cold of wintry weather or maybe because I was sitting cross-legged for too long. My brain swung between sleep and semi-consciousness, and at a point the couple on the screen blurred. All I could see was a hazy picture of the bride clad in red from head to toe and my eyes closed.

*

“Mamma, I want to wear that frock and pink bellies please.” I said as mum opened the bag to take out my clothes.

“No. You’ll wear it when all we family members will go for the picnic tomorrow, you’ll spoil the frock by then. You’ll run in the fields, climb on mango tress of the orchards with your cousins and make it dirty. Frock and the pink bellies tomorrow, ok?” mamma replied. She got busy with the relatives with all her brimmed enthusiasm as she met them after long.

“I want to wear it now and show it Dadima, pleaseeeee mum” I insisted, puppy eyes as I tried to put the words as intensely as possible.

My sister, Divya jija walked past the window of my room jus then. I saw she was also dressed in her comfy old capris then.

“Okay” I agreed all of a sudden with my mother instantly. Surprised and relieved my mother put on a white cotton frock, combed my hair and I ran out to join my cousins outside. We all went to the fields, in the tractor. I sat beside Divya jija, constantly watching how she behaved, sat, what she said, etc, smiling at her whenever our eyes met. She was the eldest and the most affectionate among the group. As the tractor stopped, we hopped off on by one. I did too, but instead of landing on my feet, I fell and landed on all four.

I woke up suddenly with a jerk as my head fell off my palm. I smiled. The television was still on. I realized how ancient the ‘tractor’ days were. They seemed so far away. It made me wonder whether they really existed. Thos were the days when deciding on something was so simple. I hugged the warm pillow beside me and my eyes began to drop again… Everything around turned black again.

*

From Moments to Memories to Marriage Thoughts - II

*

Tears rolled down my cheeks as Divya jija held me by my shoulder and asked,
“What happened ?”
“Marks” I replied, in the lowest volume. My head bowed down in shame.
“Arre its okay, Mamisa wont say anything. Jus say sorry and that you’ll work hard in the next term” she said, reassuringly.

I had barely survived to pass in the Maths exam when my other classmates managed to secure really good marks.

“But my other friends have done very well” I uttered, sobbing really hard. I saw my tears fall off and land on my grey pinafore. I desperately hoped for more reassuring words and as none came, I looked up.

She had this “why- the- hell- you- have- to- irrelevantly- compare- with- others” look on her face. As I kept looking, hoping she’ll say something, she just pressed her lips. My heart sank even more. I felt terrible about myself. I bid her goodbye and walked off. Once out of sight, I started walking fast out of nervousness. Somewhere down the road, as more water filled in my eyes, ready to flow, my vision blurred and I tripped on a stone and fell, bruising my elbow.

I woke up again. I chuckled at how silly I was. We all were, aint we? As I child, I felt such intense emotions on such small things. We lived completely in the moment. I slept off again and drifted away.

*

From Moments to Memories to Marriage Thoughts - III

“I can’t believe she fought with me for her loser boyfriend!” I said, disheartened.
“C’mon. you’ll do that too when you’ll have one.” she said to soothe me.
“I always support her. What is she doing?” I said in a pissed off manner. I couldn’t leave her and felt like calling her up and crying on the phone.
“Come” jija said.
“Nothing, you’re doing nothing but having an ice cream with me…come” she answered.
“What? I’m in a no mood to go eat an ice cream! What for?” I protested.
“To cool down your racing head” she dragged me.

Mid-way, I gave into the idea and after two mango dollies each, we didn’t care a damn about anything. Smiling and making promises, we parted to our respective homes.

I woke up and turned side ways. Recalling the dream, one ice cream was all it took to revitalize us.

*

And now is even a life partner enough? I smiled remembering how we had fallen on each other when needed. And now everything has changed after she got married. After a point it becomes awkward calling her all the time. And my issues would seem so petty to her, after all the responsibilities she’s bound to take care after her marriage. I always believed marriage to be a relationship based on undermining the past ones. Were the other relationships too? If yes, then what would be the ultimate, unchanging relationship?

*

There had been times I had been smitten by her, hated her, and started liking her again and then there were incidents where I’d decided I would love her forever. How typically I had fallen in love with her. And such a typical love-hate relationship we shared! Is that what love is, I wondered…If that was true, I tried to reason what was so special about marriage? What was the need of it at all? May be people got married because gradually all those who they fell back on got married.

I couldn’t help but wonder that if I had someone who would satisfy my emotional needs, would I ever tie the knot? Would anyone? Why was marriage so important? I felt my brain hurt and instantly longed for the days when decisions about things in life were simply a mere facsimile of the decisions of the person you looked up to for no particular reason.

The Bike Ride ♥

Out and over the golden straights
Up and over the beautiful mountains
Along the streams lazy curves
These lovely sights would be someday my visual fate

The breeze is pounding and pelting
At my soul
That relaxing massaging
It too gives, while I ride to reach my goal

The love of the road
The spirits so free
The love to be a little insane
To ride on those city streets even in that rain

Live to ride, ride to live
Ride through the burning roads, ride through the sun
Jus ride, ride and ride
Until your ass says you’re done!

Becharmed

The whites she wore
dissolved into her skin
Though nothing tore
they managed to reach within.

Her hands she used
to fight them back
But couldn't do anything anymore
and surrendered to their sin.

They went down her nose, her cheeks
Her lips, her neck and her waist so thin...

Everyone jus watched,
She was hard to ignore
But none came to help her
As she stood helpless in the downpour.